Surf'sUP Method℠
Support Up Regulation and Fortitude (SURF)
WHAT IS IT?
Developed to address unmet emotional needs of today's children and teens, Surf'sUP Method℠ services provide a comprehensive, developmentally sensitive, universal caregiving method for growing emotional capacities. Once learned, it can be used flexibly, and therefore it is designed to support all children and teens.
Surf'sUP Method℠ draws from, and integrates research across subjects such as biology, stress, parenting, and clinical psychology. I designed and continue to use this approach as a tool for primary, secondary, and tertiary prevention, and also to support clinical interventions.
Using Surf'sUP Method℠, I instruct caregivers to enhance their sensitivity to young people's emotional and developmental needs. I share the benefits of moderate stress, and I guide them to balance stress within young people's lives. Incrementally, I teach them communication and nurturance skills to enhance children and teens' emotional capacity.
Upon successful completion of Surf'sUP Method℠ training, caregivers can:
Surf'sUP Method℠ draws from, and integrates research across subjects such as biology, stress, parenting, and clinical psychology. I designed and continue to use this approach as a tool for primary, secondary, and tertiary prevention, and also to support clinical interventions.
Using Surf'sUP Method℠, I instruct caregivers to enhance their sensitivity to young people's emotional and developmental needs. I share the benefits of moderate stress, and I guide them to balance stress within young people's lives. Incrementally, I teach them communication and nurturance skills to enhance children and teens' emotional capacity.
Upon successful completion of Surf'sUP Method℠ training, caregivers can:
- Recognize how Surf'sUP Method℠ is different from other available programs.
- Gain a deeper understanding of youth's perceptions.
- Learn communication skills to decrease youth's everyday stress.
- Learn communication skills to add necessary stress in youth's lives, such as developmentally appropriate expectations and boundaries.
- Interact with and encourage youth in ways that enhance their life skills, emotional capacity, and psychological endurance.
HOW IS IT DIFFERENT?
Unlike other programs that seem to place an undue burden on children to think differently, conform, feel less, or negotiate with adults, Surf'sUP Method℠ places the responsibility on adults to balance children's life stress, help grow their tolerance for existential angst, and enhance their emotional capacities. Below are specific examples of how Surf'sUP Method℠ is different from other models on the market.
No Cognitive Restructuring
Healthy, developmentally-appropriate life experiences grow mental health. In the world of prevention, if we are meeting children's needs, it should not be necessary to re-structure their thoughts. Impact children's and teens experience, and we gradually and naturally impact their mindsets.
There are three main reasons why I do not include overt cognitive restructuring in Surf'sUP Method℠.
While there is a place for cognitive restructuring in clinical settings, I do not recommend it as a universal method for social-emotional growth. You will not find interventions in the Surf'sUP Method℠ that include telling children or teens to be more hopeful.
The Surf'sUP Method℠ helps adults to respect youth's thoughts, feelings, and perceptions and to let them learn at their own pace through nurturing growth-promoting environments.
There are three main reasons why I do not include overt cognitive restructuring in Surf'sUP Method℠.
- Surf’sUP Method℠ is a universal intervention, meaning it is for all. The research supporting cognitive restructuring for young children is shaky, at best. Therefore, I excluded the technique of overtly challenging thoughts.
- Cognitive restructuring interventions often seem misplaced. For example, trying to change a person's mindset by telling them how to think about their future experience, before the experience happens, is like putting the cart before the horse.
- Anecdotally, it seems a large portion of children and teens feel gaslit by cognitive restructuring. For example, a child being told they have "black and white thinking," may feel insulted and hurt, and they may question their reality. At the same time, being a vulnerable population, they may also feel unable to do or say anything about the perceived insult and the confusion that was created.
While there is a place for cognitive restructuring in clinical settings, I do not recommend it as a universal method for social-emotional growth. You will not find interventions in the Surf'sUP Method℠ that include telling children or teens to be more hopeful.
The Surf'sUP Method℠ helps adults to respect youth's thoughts, feelings, and perceptions and to let them learn at their own pace through nurturing growth-promoting environments.
No Conformity Training
Social skills training programs tend to aspire to help children fit in with peers. Surf'sUP Method℠ rejects this goal on principle. There isn't compelling or robust research to support the positive impact of these programs. There is some concern, backed by preliminary research, that the goal of fitting in could fuel shame and depression.
Surf'sUP Method℠ is a neurodiversity-affirming, growth model that harnesses the science of psychology to provide strength-based tips and tools for supporting children and teens towards adulthood, while honoring their own unique journey.
Surf'sUP Method℠ is a neurodiversity-affirming, growth model that harnesses the science of psychology to provide strength-based tips and tools for supporting children and teens towards adulthood, while honoring their own unique journey.
No Calming Strategies
Many prevention and intervention programs on the market overtly instruct children to "anchor," “cope,” "self-regulate," or to be “calm." In my view, they take a reactive, sometimes phobic stance to stress or emotions. They can fuel habitual escape. They are safety signaling (safe = calm) potentially judgmental (good = serene) and can fuel fear or shame in children.
Given studies that show either little short term benefit or no added value from these "coping" and "calm down" activities, I argue that such "calm down" messages may not be a good use of children and teen’s time.
Surf’sUP Method℠ has no down-regulation activities overtly or reactively imposed on children. A child being guided through Surf'sUP Method℠ would not be taught to "cope", "anchor", or "calm down." To the contrary, the Surf’sUP Method℠ is used to systematically Support Up-Regulation & Fortitude (SURF).
"Practice courage" is the messaging consistently sent to children and teens by adults in their lives, and this messaging is not watered down with calming strategies, rescue behaviors, anchoring, or safety cueing.
Given studies that show either little short term benefit or no added value from these "coping" and "calm down" activities, I argue that such "calm down" messages may not be a good use of children and teen’s time.
Surf’sUP Method℠ has no down-regulation activities overtly or reactively imposed on children. A child being guided through Surf'sUP Method℠ would not be taught to "cope", "anchor", or "calm down." To the contrary, the Surf’sUP Method℠ is used to systematically Support Up-Regulation & Fortitude (SURF).
"Practice courage" is the messaging consistently sent to children and teens by adults in their lives, and this messaging is not watered down with calming strategies, rescue behaviors, anchoring, or safety cueing.
No Habitual Negotiations
Thousands of methodologically robust studies suggest parental control, alongside authentic warmth, is critically important in child rearing. Yet, some programs state that parent-child negotiation is a viable strategy for parenting.
I have observed over the years that family and other systems that emphasize negotiation in the younger years fuel future problems by kicking the metaphorical can of authority issues down the street.
Surf'sUP Method℠ recognizes that kids sometimes feel discontented, uncomfortable, or even frustrated with authority, and that is perfectly normal. There is no need to silence, block, or mute such struggles. After all, we all answer to someone at some point, even as adults.
In Surf'sUP Method℠, caring, containing, leading, and inspiring adults welcome children and teens existential realities. Adults can hold high expectations for youth's conduct and allow existential angst.
I have observed over the years that family and other systems that emphasize negotiation in the younger years fuel future problems by kicking the metaphorical can of authority issues down the street.
Surf'sUP Method℠ recognizes that kids sometimes feel discontented, uncomfortable, or even frustrated with authority, and that is perfectly normal. There is no need to silence, block, or mute such struggles. After all, we all answer to someone at some point, even as adults.
In Surf'sUP Method℠, caring, containing, leading, and inspiring adults welcome children and teens existential realities. Adults can hold high expectations for youth's conduct and allow existential angst.